Thursday, June 11, 2009

As Nirvana said: "All Apologies"

Matt has been swamped - life took an unexpected (good yet unexpected) turn over the last few weeks, and he has been struggling to make time to even relax. So we are sorry that the Hoch has been blank.

Now, you are either here looking for a post (which you will get) or you have left us because we didn't write anything - but I will pretend the former rather then the latter.

Matt is going to give you at least 2 articles a week. He promises. We will do Monday and Thursday. That sound good? They won't necessarily fall into the same categories as Monday and Thursday articles usually do (and hell we might even put up a few more).

So, please don't give up on us. We are still here, and slowly but surely life will slow down (hopefully around late-August...) and we can pay more attention to what you need.

Thanks for all of your support the last two years and we will continue to give you "quality" work.

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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Monday Schmonday Lite 6/1/2009

We are really swamped at The Hoch right now, so you will (unfortunately) get a Monday Schmonday Lite today.

Upset of the Weekend
Magic eliminate Cavs, advance to NBA Finals

I don’t know if you have heard about this – I mean the media doesn’t like talking about this non-stop. You probably haven’t heard about LeBron walking off the court like a sad child who just lost the all-county kickball game.

That means you haven’t heard a word about how this was an upset on the Magic’s part, or how they have continued to remind us of this or how the NBA must be mad now.

I really wish the media would tell us more about this.


Game of the Weekend
Moyer gets 250th win as Phils top lowly Nats

He will need to continue pitching against the Nati[o]nals to get to 300.


Disappointment of the Weekend
Nadal's reign at French Open over

Oh, no. Sad. He got beat by the guy that mocks him all of the time. 2


News of the Weekend
Ojinnaka accused of fighting with wife

Because she confronted him about flirting on Facebook. Does this mean that we will see a dearth of these types of incidents? He can’t be the ONLY NFL player out there that thinks they can get some on the side because of Facebook.

Idiot.


Rumor of the Weekend
Report: Rams could be up for sale soon

Don’t worry, LA, you still won’t get a team – neither will you Las Vegas! Sit down!

Can you say Canadian team???


Video of the Weekend
HOCKEY! Check out this link and then watch this video. You are welcome.



Dumbest.Thing.Ever., or: What I Am Tired of Hearing About, or: The Brett Favre Retirement Memorial Honorary Award
LeBron: My future with Cavs still in air

He has another year on his contract! Let’s wait until we get closer to that day to make a decision, shall we?

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thursday Headlines: 05/28/09

MLB:
Kenji Johjima back on Seattle Mariners' disabled list
How about that? Good thing the offense can live without him…

Baltimore Orioles poised to call up prospect Matt Wieters on Friday
They could have the best, young team in the majors if Wieters pans out.

New York Mets put Jose Reyes, Ryan Church on DL; Carlos Beltran still out
Is there something in the water out there? If it isn’t an imploding bullpen it is an injury-riddled team.

Pavano stays hot with help from Indians' bats
File this under: “Never thought I would see that”.

Chicago White Sox outfielder Carlos Quentin being sent to Chicago for tests
He has plantar fasciitis – makes a guy like me feel good about his aches and pains.

Dodgers' Milton earns first win in nearly 3 years
Wow. I thought he was dead.

Eric Gagne signs with Quebec Capitales of independent Can-Am League
Do they allow steroids in Canada? (TABOOOOOOOO!)

White Sox's Ramirez sued for $20M in Dominican
Is that Dominican dollars?

Hicks open to selling Rangers; will keep Stars
How awesome would it be for Baby Bush to buy them and run the team into the ground?

MLB reviewing incident involving Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano bumping into an umpire
So am I, because it was fantastic!

Florida steroid bust draws attention of MLB, NHL
I want to see pictures of this couple. How awesome would it be if they were in their 70’s?

Man indicted for Los Angeles Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart's death
Good. That is all.


NBA:
Garnett has surgery for season-ending knee injury
When does it just become old news?

Lakers coach Jackson fined $25,000 for blasting refs
His response? "Straight cash, homey!"

Hornets' Chandler, Posey have successful surgeries
More surgeries? I get it!

League rescinds technical on Magic's Howard
Because he is a superstar!

Source: 76ers interview Casey for second time
Yeah, good luck with that.

Phoenix Suns, Philadelphia 76ers to play preseason game in Monterrey, Mexico
The NFL gets London...NBA Mexico.

NBA playoffs: Ben Wallace of the Cleveland Cavaliers flips over Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy's 'flop' remark
Get it? Flip and Flop?! HILARIOUS!!!

Report: Tests show Dirk Nowitzki woman pregnant
Doesn't it sound like there is a woman who IS Dirk Nowitski and is pregnant?

Alston sparking Magic against Cavaliers (AP)
Or it could be the fact that no one other then LeBron can play in Cleveland. How bad? Two of them were traded by Seattle in the their final year...

Magic one game from returning to finals (AP)
I want Magic/Nuggets.


NCAAB:
Three players leave Kentucky Wildcats; scholarships now at 15
That sucks. But I guess one thing isn't that bad.

Former Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie suing school's athletics association, seeking $6 million
Okay...2 things agaisnt a school...every school has a hiccup.

Kentucky recruit John Wall pleads guilty to misdemeanor
Okay, really? String 'em up!

Report: NCAA accuses Memphis men's basketball of major violations
We sure he didn't go to Kentucky?


NCAAF:
Bobby Bowden of Florida State Seminoles to wait longer on appeal of NCAA discipline
Just like the NCAA to take their sweet time.

Arthur Ray Jr. hopes to beat cancer, suit up for Michigan State Spartans
Cool story. Check it out.

Lane Kiffin unapologetic in meeting with SEC football coaches
Anyone else starting to think this guy is just a massive jerk?

Penn State Nittany Lions coach Joe Paterno: Notre Dame Fighting Irish not welcome in Big Ten
I don't want them either! Not in the Big 10, not anywhere!


NFL:
Bill passes La. house keeping Saints through 2025
I didn't know you could legislate ownership.

RB Arrington fails physical, dumped in Denver
Wow - can't even make it in Denver. I could be a RB in Denver.

Terrence McGee of Buffalo Bills hurt while covering Terrell Owens in practice
Maybe he just got tired of listening to T.O. talk about how fast he [thinks he] is.

Terrell Owens doesn't care if Tony Romo won't say his name
Yet he won't stop talking about Romo...unrequited love?

Brady stretches, throws at final Patriots practice
Call me when he is starting again.


NHL:
Bruins expecting 2010 Winter Classic at Fenway
Just what I need, more babbling from New England.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Roger S. Winkerbottom Presents: Fantasy Baseball Update - 5/26/09

Usually on my vacations I like to spend my time watching reruns of Dr. Who or Mystery Science Theater 3000, but this vacation was a bit different – I decided that since it was Memorial Day that I spent the day between baseball and Band of Brothers. Is anyone else tired of the hats on Memorial Day? Not that I don’t like the idea of the stars and stripes being shown by all players and umpired – but do they all have to have the same base color? Why can’t they still use the teams’ main color and only emphasize the logo?

Sorry, I am a bit cranky. On to my Fantasy Picks for this week.



Overachievers (Use them while you can since they could fizzle)
Position Players:
Michael Cuddyer, Twins - OF:
If you don’t have him and he is available, pick him up. He is only batting .286, but he has 8 HRs, 31 RBIs and 4 stolen bases. To top it off he has begun to heat up. That’s right, his numbers should only get better. Why not?

Todd Helton, Rockies – 1B:
Remember when you could start Todd Helton and not worry about his numbers? Remember how he would always hit? How he could lead your team? Well, he is playing like he wants that role again. He may only have 6 HRs, but he is batting .338 with an OPS of .917 with 31 RBIs. This guy may be the horse you are looking for,

Pitchers:
Mark Buehrle, White Sox – SP:
We have always know that Buehrle is a good pitcher – that he could be a great pitcher – he just seems to never get the chance (or the run support) to be an Ace. Well, this season he is and he is responding well. He currently has 6 wins, 36 strikeouts, 2.59 ERA and a K/BB of 3.00 in 59.0 innings. Why not take a chance on him?

Heath Bell, Padres – RP:
He is one of the reasons that the Padres have made their last ten games count. His 0.49 ERA is amazing (seeing as how Yahoo! says the leader has a 0.82) and he currently has a total of 12 saves. He has only 18.1 innings, but he has made them count with 23 Ks and a WHIP of 0.93. If he is available pick him up.


Underachievers (Hold tight, they will come around)
Position Players:
Stephen Drew, Diamondbacks – SS:
My list is usually without those who have spent time on the DL, but when you are a “phenom” and you are batting 4th in the order you are fair game. Drew was supposed to be great, and he has been, but this season? He has 16 hits this season (on 84 at-bats) which is a measly .190 average. He has 2 HRs and 13 RBIs…at the quarter pole this is not what you expect from a guy like Drew – unless his name is J.D. (Bahhhhh-ZING!)

Adrián Béltre, Mariners – 3B:
Aren’t contract years supposed to help out a player’s numbers? Beltre cashed in a few years ago when he had a massive season in L.A., but as a Mariner he hasn’t done anything. He has a whopping .211 average and three HRs. The plus? The numbers have gotten better over the last week, possibly signaling that he is coming out of his slump – so take a chance?

Pitchers:
Cole Hamels, Phillies – SP:
Remember that time that Hamels won 14 games in 227.1 innings with an ERA of 3.09 and a WHIP of 1.08? Oh, right, that was last season. Now? Well, in eight starts he only has two wins (and it can’t be run support since the Phillies are second in the league in HRs) with an ERA of 4.68 and a WHIP of 1.39. These aren’t stats that you mind when he is a pitcher on your favorite team, but in the world of fantasy baseball, it isn’t up to snuff.

Brad Lidge, Phillies – RP:
This is terrible. Last year he had 48 consecutive saves, and this season he is having trouble converting any. He currently has eight (out of twelve chances), an ERA of 9.15 and a WHIP of 2.08. No one wants a closer that has a WHIP that high.

Pick him up (A couple guys I think you should look at)
Position Player:
Mark Reynolds, Diamondbacks – 3B:
How can only 73% of Yahoo! users need a corner-infielder that has 13 HRs, 10 SBs and 27 RBIs? Oh, and his OPS is 0.91. Sure he has a mediocre .264 batting average, but you can sacrifice a little average for the rest.

Pitcher:
Ramón Ramírez, Red Sox – RP:
24.1 Innings Pitched, 4 wins, 14 Ks, 0.74 ERA and a WHIP of 0.74. Not bad for a middle reliever – if you need to fill out your roster this guy could help you with that.


I will not give you a witty quip, nor will I leave you with a nerdy comment. Today you get this: "Goodbye".

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Clubber Lang Loves the Cubbies

I hope you have seen this, but if you haven't...

And contrary to Dave Sims' he does not say: "I pity the poor fool who don't get any runs." Do some damn research Sims. Seriously. Or just don't talk. It is up to you.



Sims, I am serious! This is what will happen if you keep disrespecting quotes by "The T."



And just because...



Gotta love the shorts.

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Monday Shmonday - We Know How to Spell (5/25/09)

Upset of the Weekend
Helio earns record $3M at Indy

Car racing may be one of the worst things in the world: million-dollar machines guzzling thousands of gallons of gas just so a bunch of people can drink billions of gallons of beer and cheer when someone crashes.

That is just my opinion.

But this weekend was a little different for Helio Castroneves who won his 3rd Indianapolis 500 just two months after being acquitted of tax evasion. Yes, his winnings will go towards his lawyers’ fees, but isn’t three trophies worth it?

It still doesn’t make me want to watch it. Sorry, red states.


Game of the Weekend
Padres rally late to win 10th straight in 10th

I think we should file this under: “WHHHHHHAAAAAAAA?”

The Padres have won ten-in-a-row? No way…against who? Well, the swept the Cubs (which could be good), the Giants (yay?) and the Reds…not exactly the cream of the crop but to win 10 is a pretty big thing in baseball – especially when you were eight games below .500 and are now one game above.


Disappointment of the Weekend
Tyson's daughter on life support

This is really sad. Tyson’s 7-year old son found his 4-year old daughter on a treadmill with her neck on a cable that was attached to the machine. It is being called a tragic accident, which to me is a gross understatement.

No matter what you think of Mike Tyson you could never wish anything like this on a man.


News of the Weekend
Report: Ex-con advised on Dallas facility

This story is ridiculous for one reason alone: what he was convicted of has NOTHING to do with his duties with the Cowboys.

He: “pleaded guilty to using a firearm during a violent crime, and conspiracy to distribute cocaine and marijuana”

Look, the guy was an ex-con, but this is a non-story. Thousands of convicts are released from prison daily and they all get new jobs. So until they connect these two things, then this is not worth the time it takes to read it.

Much like this rant.


Rumor of the Weekend
The Marlins are Little Girls

The Marlins sleep in groups when visiting a specific hotel because it is supposedly haunted. Read the article…what a bunch of sissies!


Video of the Weekend



Dumbest.Thing.Ever., or: What I Am Tired of Hearing About, or: The Brett Favre Retirement Memorial Honorary Award
The Washinton Natinals Can’t Spell Their Way Out of a Payper Bag

Someone in this organization needs to be fired.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I Would Give Michael Vick A Chance

Yes, you read that headline correct.

I would give Michael Vick a chance.

That is of course if I were the owner and/or general manager of a NFL team.

I am sure I am in the minority on this statement, but the fact is, in my personal opinion, he is at least worth getting a second chance in the NFL. I say this upon news that Vick was released from Leavenworth Federal Prison overnight and is beginning his home confinement and it looks like he is in the process of reuniting with his family and getting back into becoming a member of society. His agent says that he is putting playing football on the backburner and rightfully so. Any and all future with the NFL and especially meeting with Comissioner Roger Goodell isn't coming anytime soon, or at least so we think. So for the sake of this article, let us assume that Vick will meet with Goodell later this year and let's just say Goodell suspends Vick for one year, and while he isn't doing any football drills, is still maintaining good physical condition. So we are in the year 2011. Now imagine that I have made it known to the media that I have held meetings with Vick along with Comissioner Goodell and obviously the media would want to talk to me and ask me a couple of elephant in the room questions. Let's play them out.

How can you be so willing to accept the eventual firestorm from animal rights activists?
Because animal rights activists are so sound and never wrong with their agenda? Look, I understand that what Vick did was bad. No one is excusing that. However, if everyone listened to a group like PeTA and they had it their way, we would all be eating dirt. Oh and it'd be some some synthetic dirt and not the dirt that worms live in because it could disrupt their ecosystem. One of the most annoying arguments I heard from people about Vick was that he should be banned or be put in prison for life or executed for what he did. I think those people have their priorities mixed up in that they somehow over-value the life of a dog/animal and under-value the life of a human being. The eventual protest that would happen outside my stadium wouldn't phase me and if some season-ticket holders are compelled to stop attending my games because I gave Michael Vick a chance, I believe a fanbase as strong as the NFL's has enough bodies to claim those open tickets.

How can you let a convicted criminal play sports and pay him millions?
Did it stop the Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns with regards to Jamal Lewis? How about the countless times a NFL player has been arrested and charged with a DUI, yet they're still playing in the league. The most glaring example is Leonard Little, but we've been there, done that. Also, is the money Vick would be getting, is it taxpayer money? No. Me owning a NFL team isn't a public works project. It's a private business in which, hell if I own a NFL team, chances are I have enough money, otherwise I wouldn't be owning a NFL team. And it's not like I would sign Vick to a 10 year, $50 million dollar contract. Looking at him from a talent scout evaluation, Vick would probably get the league minimum, depending on what position he plays. That is another thing that seems to be lost in the idea of giving Vick a second chance. Just because he was the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, people think he'll be back in that position. Well the numbers on Vick as a passer are there for everyone to study, and the conclusion is that he is a mediocre QB. If I were to give Vick a chance, he would not be a QB. Based on just the projection of what sort of condition he's in and trying him out in various positions that take advantage of his skills, I envision him being used as a WR, speed running back and maybe as a gadget play QB. Think Kordell Stewart. The point is, I'm sure Vick just wants a chance to play again and would be open to any position on the field, and remember, no matter what ills people have against a team for signing Bad Seed A or Bad Seed B, all of that seems to be forgotten if the team wins it all. If Vick's contributions to the team help my team win it all, I can guarantee that the voices of those decrying Vick will be drowned out to the sounds of elation because the team finally did it.

America is always fascinated with a comeback tale and while I certainly wouldn't be saying that Michael Vick would be winning Comeback Player of the Year honors or that the general public would openly accept him back, the point is I believe he is at least worthy of getting a second chance in the NFL. In a justice system that offers plea deals to muderers, rapists and other really evil people, a man who has done his time and if he swears he has learned his mistakes, he should be welcomed back into the profession that he obviously think he's destined to be in.

And that is why I would give Michael Vick a chance.

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Roger S. Winkerbottom Presents: This is my town!


Matt finally gave me my own account...so be prepared!

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Roger S. Winkerbottom Presents: Fantasy Baseball Update - 5/19/09

I am so frustrated right now I could just take my aggression out on all of these little twerps on W.O.W. Between the injuries and the underachieving, my team has fallen from the middle of the pack down to the bottom. Thanks a lot, Murphy’s Law. Oh, well, enough of my wild ramblings – let’s get to my picks!


Overachievers (Use them while you can since they could fizzle)
Position Players:
Jason Bartlett, Rays - SS:
Now, let’s preface this by saying that we believe in the Rays – they are pretty dang good. Then why is their shortstop on our list of overachievers? Look where he is at: he had a preseason rank of 310 and has only played more the 100 games twice in his previous 5-seasons. As of today he has 22 RBIs which is 20 shy of his season high. I just don’t think that he will continue this tear – or he could have an MVP season and I will eat my mouse…and yes we will post pictures.

Brandon Inge, Tigers – C, 3B, OF:
Inge will remain on this list as long as he is ranked in the top-50 overall in Yahoo! leagues. (And as long as he is leading my team in most major categories) He isn’t hitting .300, but he has 10 HRs and 27 RBIs. Pretty solid season so far.

Pitchers:
Zack Greinke, Royals – SP:
Zack called e the other day will quite a bbit on his mind. He said: “You know, Rodge [he is the only one who can call me that] I have been watching your lists and I am flabbergasted that I have yet to make it! I have pitched 60 innings, have an ERA of 0.60 and have 65 Ks to go along with my 7 wins.” I told him that I was appalled that he would say flabbergasted and that he would make the list this time – you know, seeing as how he is ranked 1-overall in Yahoo! leagues.

Andrew Bailey, Athletics – RP:
This guy won’t get you any saves (he currently has 1) but he will add to you innings, Ks and ERA. He currently has 28 Ks to complement his 1.54 ERA in 23.1 innings. That is pretty good for a middle reliever. So good that he is ranked 33rd-overall by Yahoo!. Don’t be surprised if he falls off, though – use him now, while you can.

Underachievers (Hold tight, they will come around)
Position Players:
Jimmy Rollins, Phillies – SS:
The ex-MVP us off to a slow start, ut don’t be surprised to see it turn around soon. His last four seasons have looked like this (Average): .290, .277, .296, .277. So if he holds sway (I know my calculations) then he will hit around .300 this season. Who knows…but I am a firm believer that if you want to see how a player is going to play, just flip over his baseball card and look at the career numbers. Rollins? .276 – respectable.

David Ortiz, Red Sox – Util:
Anytime I can put a Red Sock (or is it Soxck?) on this list, I am a happy man. Ortiz is showing his age as he has only 27 hits in 130 Abs. He is having so many problems, that he was sat against the Mariners last weekend – and really, they are not the most dangerous team. He should come around (at least get a few HRs) but as of now, I wouldn’t touch him…you might get excess steroid juice on you! (TABBBBOOOOOOO!!!!!)

Pitchers:
Francisco Liriano, Twins – SP:
This kid has been through so many problems so far in his career it is almost sad to have ot mention him here – but when you are ranked 70th preseason and you end up at 810 at the quarter-pole, then you are having some problems. He is still owned by 93% of Yahoo! users because he has to break out, right? He does have a WHIP of 1.37…if that helps at all…

Carlos Marmol, Cubs – RP:
Ouch. Marmol is not doing so well this season, what with his 4.00 ERA in only 18 innings – not something you want from a relief pitcher.

Pick him up (A couple guys I think you should look at)
Position Player:
Marco Scutaro, Blue Jays – 2B, 3B, SS:
When you have someone who can take three infield spots, is only owned by 82% of players and has 5 HRs, 20 RBIs and 36 Runs, you should take a look. Especially if you are like me and have lost Ricky Weeks for the season. Oh, and his OPS is .873 – I’ll take it.

Pitcher:
Jason Frasor, Blue Jays – RP:
Another undervalued Blue Jay. You say: “But Roger, he only has 14 innings!” and I say: “yes, sir.” But look at his ERA, his WHIP, his K/BB and his WINS. He is a long reliever who doesn’t get a lot of play, but if he keeps up his 9 strikeouts per walk, his 0.64 ERA and keeps winning games (4 thus far) he will start getting more looks. So why not drop that overvalued reliever that has nothing going and pick up a guy who is owned by only 25% of Yahoo! users?

I will not see Star Trek because they have bastardized my favorite film franchise. Adding the guy from Heroes!?!? NO! I boycott! Besides, I just got a new computer version of Settlers of Catin. I am so far past excited!!!

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Monday Shmonday - I need to start doing these on Sunday (5/19/09)

Upset of the Weekend
Champs done

“We could have done it if Garnett hadn’t been hurt.” – Boston Fan
“The Refs wanted fresh blood” – Boston Fan
“I like pudding” – Boston Fan

Look, a “team” is supposed to be able to win with backups.

“But Garnett is like their Quarterback – could a team win without their QB?”
See: the 1999 Rams

“Garnett is an All-Star! He has an MVP award!!”
See: Wally Pipp – he was pretty good...(led the league in Home Runs in 1916, 1917 and in triples in 1924)

I know that it was an uphill battle for them to win this year, but injury to your star player is the oldest excuse. Let me know when you lose your QB and 7 Wide Receivers.
See: 2008 Seattle Seahawks.



Game of the Weekend
Rachel Alexandra Takes Her First Step Toward Running in the Belmont

We all knew that it would be an interesting run – and most of us saw her winning – but to see the rest: Mine that Bird was two and Musket Man was three.

No one expected Mine that Bird to win the Kentucky Derby, so to see him come in second (to a Philly that wasn’t supposed to race) is pretty impressive.

There will be no triple crown horse…but there could be a triple crown jockey.


Disappointment of the Weekend
Tampa pitcher forced to bat third

So, Joe Maddon puts his lineup cards out and after the Rays have played the first inning in the field, someone points out to the umpire that, even though he is supposedly the DH, Evan Longoria is listed as playing 3rd. But wait…Ben Zobrist played 3rd in the 1st-inning…

Well, Mr. Longoria you are required to sit and the pitcher will need to take your spot in the lineup.

Sonanstine took it as an opportunity as he went 1-for-3 with an RBI double.

They won’t be playing NL rules (minus interleague play) in the foreseeable future, though



News of the Weekend
Drug testers arrive; Belgian bodybuilders run

I just see these big, burly, blonde men running around like idiots – speaking really quickly in high-pitched tones. Like an old Looney Tunes cartoon.

I love it.


Rumor of the Weekend
Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison says he'll skip White House visit

"This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned (President Obama) would've invited Arizona if they had won.”


What a fool. If it were about politics, then fine…but come on!

I guess he gets to meet presidents all the time living in Pittsburgh.

Video of the Weekend
This is EXACTLY how I feel. And really...it is perfect. There are more as well.











Dumbest.Thing.Ever., or: What I Am Tired of Hearing About, or: The Brett Favre Retirement Memorial Honorary Award
Report: Favre seeking medical advice on shoulder

Just retire to your farm and play pick up games of football with your friends and their Wrangler Jeans.

It isn’t that I don’t wwant to see you play – I just want to stop seeing you cry and then I have to read that you are “mulling it over”, or “still thinking about it” or “weighing the options”.

Just go away.

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